In This Moment~ The Fighter~ Lyrics

Stories untold...  no it wasnt a parent,  it was a family member.  I never told anyone because I thought it was normal...  turns out my whole family was fucked up,  saying that now is just an insight to the hell my young mind(at the time) was put into...  they wont believe me,  because this person was well thought of by everyone in my family.  everytime that my mom and us would go to my aunts house...  one of the kids would always bring up the game hide and seek,  I often wondered why it was that this individual would hide with me...I trusted, so never thought about it... then the touching.  growing up with this I buried it deep til recently.  I have come to terms that it happened to me, but I don't really know that I feel anything toward it...  or am I just numb still?  it is very painful that it was just me dealing on my own and that I couldn't really tell anyone.  but the person in question moved out of state...  and all was good again til I turned 16,  then it happened again.  this time by an uncle or step uncle rather.  he told me I was the most beautiful girl in the world then we were getting high on marijane and ended up with his hands everywhere and i was frozen,  naked and his face.  I was crying,  so i pushed him away got myself dressed and ran into another part of the house, locking the door.  I thought I was safe so I was taking a shower to scrub him off of me.  I didn't know he quietly came into where I was so I pulled back the curtain and before I knew it he grabbed me and was forcing me onto his lap... his hand covered my mouth.  I'm a short person and he was very tall,  I couldn't get off of him or away from him.  I didn't know what to do...  then I fell to the floor crying and he was gone out of the room.  I cleaned myself up and crawled into bed.   for years I have held onto those horrid memories.  I still have nightmares of that night where I wake up in a sweat, and in a fetal position holding myself.  these monsters in the dark still terrify me.  but I have survived and will continue to fight.  Maybe one day I can forgive them both. 



It is NOT normal,  tell someone.   or the nightmares will forever haunt you.  stop them by saying something to anyone...  Me,  I was afraid of the reaction from my family.  I thought I was the bad guy that brought it on myself.  I'm not the culprit and I AM NOT A VICTIM!!  I refuse to hold either title.  I am broken,  but I refuse to be a victim,  to let them win.



sorry got a little personal...  but thanks for listening.